Author Cristina San Martin on Love, Healing, and Her Journey in ‘Married to Fiji’ and ‘Healable the Journal’
Introducing Cristina San Martin, an author whose works delve deeply into the realms of love, healing, and self-discovery. Her book Married to Fiji is a heartfelt memoir that chronicles her bold journey of moving to Fiji after just ten days with her future husband. It’s a story that captures the essence of love’s transformative power while also shedding light on the challenges and injustices she observed during her time on the island. Through her experiences, Cristina offers readers a candid look at the complexities of relationships, the struggle for justice, and the profound process of personal healing.
In addition to Married to Fiji, Cristina is also the author of Healable the Journal, a guide that encourages readers to embark on their own healing journeys. Cristina’s writing is deeply personal, informed by her own experiences with mental health, neurodiversity, and the challenges of fitting in. Her insights are not just about overcoming adversity, but about embracing it as a path to growth and self-acceptance.
Healing is humbling and a great reminder that we are far more than our struggles and the adversity we face. Go easy on yourself; the healing journey takes as long as it takes. Try not to hold yourself to unrealistic expectations, as we also have to continue living and navigating the 3D.
Cristina San Martin
Married to Fiji is a deeply personal story about your journey of love and healing. What motivated you to share such an intimate part of your life with the world?
I always felt a deep sense that my journey needed to be shared, and while it may sound a bit cliché to say it was an inexplicable urge, it’s true. The essence of why I wanted to share my story is fundamentally rooted in love. We all go through experiences and relationships that profoundly change us, and what often remains are the remnants of love. This was the primary reason for sharing my journey. I also wanted to document my crazy, adventurous experiences and all the events that transpired during that phase of my life for my daughter to give her a fuller picture of the time her mother and father spent together.
In addition, as easy as it is to get lost in the whimsical appeal of daydreaming while sunbaking by the crystal waters of Fiji, it would have been remiss of me not to share all the truths about my island adventure, the good and the bad and downright unbearably ugly, painful and soul-shattering. As my love for Fiji and its people grew, so did my profound disappointment and feelings of injustice regarding Fiji’s unfair wages for labour, particularly in the hospitality sector. It was both infuriating and heartbreaking to witness firsthand how wages remain significantly and disproportionately low while large corporations continue to amass substantial profits, prioritizing their bottom line over remunerating fairly, valuing, or genuinely caring about the well-being of local workers. Voicing my opinion about this was important, and the book allowed me to do that.
At its core, these are the foundational reasons for writing my story and sharing my insights on the ability that love has to transform us, how we can evolve as individuals, and how we can grow from our experiences, whether they are complex or exceptional. My story is a blend of both, but it highlights that we have the potential to emerge as better people, opting for growth and resilience throughout our journey.
Moving to Fiji after just ten days with your future husband is a bold move. Can you share what was going through your mind during that time, and what made you take such a leap of faith?
Again, it was more of an inexplicable feeling based on just knowing it was the right move for me then. However, looking back now, I also think that having been undiagnosed, ADHD may have played a role. In hindsight, I can understand that it may have left quite a few people scratching their heads; it does seem like a very impulsive and bold move, but again, my heart told me to do so, so I did. The fact is that I was younger, and my life was less complicated in that I didn’t have the responsibility of raising children, and there were fewer implications of me taking up an adventure that was calling me on a whim.
You’ve described your life as being filled with “heart-wrenching love lessons, mental health struggles, and self-loathing.” How did you finally begin healing, and what advice do you have to others who don’t know where to start?
Yes, I’ve faced my fair share of struggle and adversity. In many ways, it’s an absolute miracle that I’m still here today! But in all honesty, the relentless feeling of wanting freedom and not having it pushed me over the line to surrender to my healing journey. Ultimately all the crappy life experiences I faced over the years showed me that I was not free. When I say not “free,” I mean it in every sense: mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, you get the idea. I realized I was fighting this overwhelming feeling of being trapped and a slave to an external idea of what my life should look like, be like, and feel like. Deciding I had had enough and was ready to heal myself meant that I was finally ready to stop, avoiding feeling the pain that had my life in shambles. It meant deciding that numbing my emotional wounds in unhealthy, negative ways was no longer a viable option for me, and I had to decide that I needed to change consciously. Deciding that no matter what, I would face my feelings and sit with them was the catalyst for my long healing journey.
Everyone’s healing journey is unique. It can help to start by understanding and accepting that we are not our stories but rather individuals who have gone through stuff. This allows us to reconnect with our humanness. When it comes to healing, intention is everything! We all have the innate ability to heal; it is possible, as we are capable beings of love who can self-heal if we choose to.
The other important factors are having compassion for yourself, surrendering to the journey, and letting go of trying to control when things need to happen. The healing journey can have a mind of its own. Remember that nothing is ever perfect, and divine timing is everything, so there is no need to rush!
Healing is humbling and a great reminder that we are far more than our struggles and the adversity we face. Go easy on yourself; the healing journey takes as long as it takes. Try not to hold yourself to unrealistic expectations, as we also have to continue living and navigating the 3D.
When times get tough, and the journey seems relentless, take a break.
You mention that you’ve struggled with fitting in and understanding yourself better after being diagnosed as neurodiverse with ADHD and autism. How has this diagnosis change how you approach life and interactions?
I used to be so afraid of being unacceptable that I would modify all aspects of myself to be more palatable for others, losing myself and my self-worth in the process. I always had some level of awareness around being “different.” I always felt like I didn’t fit in, and only in my late thirties did I end up being diagnosed as neurodiverse with ADHD, autism and a significantly compromised executive function. And although this helped me understand myself better, it didn’t immediately free me from feeling all the negative emotions around being “different.” In time, I was able to unpack why I was the way I was and that it was more about the people I encountered in life not understanding me due to our differences rather than it being anything “wrong” with me as a person. Being diagnosed helped me so much to be able to let go of not needing to “mask” anymore. I still face stigma and being treated differently due to my neurodiversity; I try not to take it personally these days, and on the hard days I lean on the knowing that everyone’s contribution to the world is valuable and valid and its OK if that looks different.
In your book, you talk about the moment when everything started to fall apart—your marriage, work, and life. What was it like struggling with challenges in a new country and how hard was it to move back to Australia?
Adapting to a new country, culture, religion, traditions, and way of life takes work. It helped that I was young, in love, and had an adventurous spirit. I’m grateful that when my life did start to fall apart, I had my family for support. Again, following my heart’s voice was what ended up propelling me in the right direction, and for that, I am grateful.
The decision to move back to Australia with my then-husband primarily stemmed from the fact that I knew we would be better off starting a family back home with the support of my family, knowing that my ex-husband’s family could come over to visit anytime. In Australia, we are very fortunate to have access to a good quality of life, for the most part free medical support and services, as well as good employment opportunities. It was the right decision for us at that time.
Did you learn anything new from the book production process?
Patience, which is not a strength of mine, and realizing that everything takes much longer than anticipated was a valuable lesson. It helped me let go of the need to control when things happen. For instance, writing my book took over 14 years, and the process was in no way linear or regular. One of the most interesting aspects of book production was learning about the design and printing of the cover. Designing my cover was a unique challenge; it wasn’t just about creating a pleasing design, it involved meticulous work to get the colours right to stay true to the story, but also to me as the writer. Luckily, I was guided by the team at Tellwell, who helped me bring my vision for the cover to life while ensuring the printing requirements were met. This experience made me appreciate the complexities and the hard work behind things we often take for granted.
What made you decide to partner with Tellwell?
To be honest, I was incredibly frustrated with the traditional publishing route. After a lot of research on various publishing options, I found that an assisted self-publisher seemed like the best fit for me. This approach allowed me to maintain control over my manuscript while being guided through the process. They took care of many aspects of the journey, which I am truly grateful for because I couldn’t have managed it on my own. Traditional publishing wasn’t a viable option for me—I lacked the patience and wanted to retain control over my work.
Your philosophy emphasizes the importance of healing to access life’s blissful moments. What advice would you give to someone who feels overwhelmed by their own healing journey?
Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or negative about the healing journey is completely normal and experienced by many, me included! Recognize everyone has good and bad days; it’s all part of the process. We often want things to progress within a certain timeframe, and when they don’t it can be agitating, especially in today’s world where everything is available at the push of a button. or we keep repeating the same mistakes, and life can feel like a merry-go-round of doom. Been there! The healing journal hardly aligns with the fast pace of modern life, so when you start to feel overwhelmed and tempted to give up, it’s time to mix it up by doing joy for a little bit. It can help to spend time in the energy of love, whether with loved ones or doing the things that bring you joy. Hit pause and come back to it once you have rested and filled up your happiness bucket for a bit.
Always keep your intention to heal at the forefront of your mind, and trust that the rest will eventually fall into place. You might also find it helpful to watch my free vbook on YouTube, where I share more insights and guidance on navigating the healing process.
How has motherhood influenced your perspective on healing and self-acceptance, especially as you raise your two “mini Wildhearts”?
It’s important to me that my children see me practising what I preach. I want them to know why it’s important to live a life in alignment with our highest path. By providing them with information early on about how to handle their own healing, I aim to empower them and normalise the need for emotional healing in their lives. I don’t want them to fear their feelings or go to extreme lengths to avoid them. My hope is for them to grow up understanding that healing is a normal and necessary part of life that shouldn’t be feared. Like most parents, I want them to have the tools to navigate a happy, fulfilled, and purposeful life. The more awareness I can give them now about what healing looks like, recognizing the signs for when life invites us to heal and how to actually do it, I will hopefully be setting them up with the right information so that they can put into practice when they need it.
Finally, what do you hope readers will take away from Married to Fiji, and how do you envision it helping others on their own journeys of love, loss, and healing?
I always knew my crazy, adventurous, and love-filled story needed to be shared, as recounting it made so many people laugh over the years. Regardless of how over-the-top unconventional and ridiculous it seemed, my Fijian story was downright too good not to share, not only because it gifted me with the journey of coming home to my heart, for which I am forever grateful.
Aside from wanting everyone to dive into my roller coaster tale of love, heartbreak, and love transformed, I’m here to shout from the rooftops that love is all that really exists! We can either let life’s curveballs turn us bitter, or we can embrace the sunshine after the storm and believe in happiness after heartache. Choosing love is freeing, and although it can be hard, it can done.
